Basically having a panic attack.
70% of this week was working my ass off to get my bank accounts in order before I leave the country, pick the clothes I want to wear for the next year and put ‘em in a bag. Learning to cut my hair, saying goodbye to my best friends and the guy I liked, throwing away stuff, saying goodbye to the band.
The other 30% I’ve been procrastinating, reading stupid stuff online, watching the Janis Joplin’s Little Girl Blue documentary, going out for a drink. I never gave myself the time to realize how fucking scared I am, I just wasn’t centered, I’m so nervous. It just hit me because I’m putting the last things in my bag, today’s both the band’s New E.P. Release party and my Farewell party. It’s done, I’ve done it. I’ve managed to escape from this city. Will it be better? Will it suck? Will it crack me or will it make me a better person? Wiser, more determined. Will I really find a path for my career or will I just discover somewhere else I don’t fit in?
By now, you should’ve probably noticed I’m ridiculously emotional. And now I’m all broken down to tears because I’m afraid, but then I’m also in awe of what I’m capable of doing. So just let it sink in, take it as it comes, open your eyes, just carpe diem. I’ll keep writing so you might find out how all this ends.